Ernie the hamster?

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was


"something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in


his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious,


Dad. Can you help?" I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him


into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back,


looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do -"Honey," I called,


"come look at the hamster!" "Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute, "She's having


babies." "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"


I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we


didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.


"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she


inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)


"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my


Most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth


together). "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, ya know," she


informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, ya think?)


By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on.


I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced.


"We're about to witness the miracle of birth." "Oh, gross!" they shrieked.


"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter


of tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know.


We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a


tiny %26gt; foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't


appear to be making much progress," I noted.


"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified. "Do something, Dad!" my son urged.


"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it


next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried


several more times with the same results.


"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.


"Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged. "I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women


can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does


to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)


The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the


little animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you


think, Doc, a c-section?" I suggested scientifically.


"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I


speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step


outside. "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.


"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster is not in labor.


In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy."


"What!?"


"You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into


maturity, like most male species, they um.... er.... masturbate. Just


the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.


"Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron." We were silent,


absorbing this. "So Ernie's just... just... eExcited?", my wife offered.


"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More


silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then


even laugh loudly hysterically even.


"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the


woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my


flawless manliness. Tears were now running down her face. "It's just...that...I'm


picturing you pulling on its...its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air


to bellow in laughter once more. "That's enough," I warned.


"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told


me. "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.


2 - Hamsters - 10 bucks...


1 - Cage - 20 bucks


Trip to the Vet ...30 bucks...


Pictures of your hubby pulling on the hamster's wacker........Priceless!


%26gt;

Ernie the hamster?
**tears streaming down my face** I laughed so hard I cried. Thank you!





That was absolutely priceless! A keeper. Wish I could give you a thousand stars, but one will have to do.
Reply:Heard this before only it was a lizard, which adds a little bit more because lizards lay eggs.
Reply:oh em gee!
Reply:OMg hahahahahah Star 4 u!
Reply:Yawn......Sorry but a tough one for this time in the afternoon............



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